Do parents know less than their children?

“To acquire knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim male and female” Tirmidhi

In a previous article we discussed the necessity for parents to take an interest in what children are learning at school, and how we should pay close attention to the tarbiyah and education of our children.

From birth onwards children look up to their parents and see them full of wisdom and understanding in all aspects of life, be it from simple matters such as reading and writing to the more complex matters of how we come into this world.

Indeed Islam has granted parents a certain rank above their children, and has taught children to respect and honour parents in all walks of life. Yet as children grow older and become more world wary, they learn new things everyday, often they will come to the parents to re-affirm this new piece of information that they have learnt.

If parents have no understanding or take no interest in what their children learn the child will think, ‘my parents don’t really know as much I thought they did’. They will become dejected, thinking their parents have no interest in what they have learnt. As a result of this children may begin to think of their parents as being backward and stuck in ways not relevant to modern times.

When this cross-road is reached in a child’s life it is a most vital and key point that parents need to consider. How they deal with this will most definitely have an impact on the future of their relationship with their children and how they are perceived in their children’s eyes for years to come.

As we know the education system is constantly changing, with children being taught to be more open-minded and given greater choice of what they can learn, from basic subjects such as literacy and numeracy to subjects like science and technology.

If parents have been out of education for some time, which is what most often occurs by the time they have children, they will not be fully aware about what is taught in schools. It is necessary for parents to look into the subjects taught to children when they enter school. This can be done by requesting a copy of the school curriculum from the teachers. From this parents can see what subjects will be taught and if they find that there are areas unfamiliar to them, they should pursue these areas and aim to become more informed.

Often when looking into the curriculum, parents will find subjects that seem to contradict Islam or Islamic values. It is not possible to put a bubble around children and refuse to let them learn these subjects because this will only make them more curious and they will ask friends who have taken the subject etc. Instead these subjects should be used in a positive light to teach children at home the Islamic view about matters such as evolution for example, this will make children stronger and help them to keep an open mind about everything they are taught, and if in the future they find something confusing or something they feel contradicts Islamic values they will ask their parents.

A simple example of this is the inclusion of sex education in the national curriculum for children from year five. Many parents consider these subjects taboo and something that children shouldn’t be exposed to. Yet Islamically children should be taught these issues by the age of nine as they can become mature (baaligh) anytime after that. Parents should have an open enough relationship that they can sit their children down and speak to them about these matters before they are taught in school, so that children would not feel embarrassed to approach their parents later about what they have learnt.

We need to teach our children the Islamic perspective about many of the things they are taught at school. As we all know Islam is a complete way of life. Children should be taught about puberty and the Islamic teachings behind it, before they can be mislead by inaccurate accounts that might disagree with laws set down in Islam. They should be taught Islamic values and the importance of accepting what is Islamic rather than questioning it with regards to things they learn.

It is not only children’s secular education parents must take an interest in but also their Islamic education. Children often find it hard to sit in madrassah and concentrate due to having been at school all day, parents must make their children understand that both types of education (Secular and Islamic) are important, and that if they find going to madrassah hard they will be rewarded for it more. Parents should spend sufficient time with their children going through what they are learning in both madrassah and school and respectively paying extra attention to the parts children are finding more difficult.

As can be seen by the few simple points mentioned, it is crucial for parents to take an active interest in the education of their children. This not only affects the personal relationship between parents and children but also the entire society, whereby children who have trusting relationships with parents at home are better behaved and more understanding when in the society as a whole. It is when children lose respect for parents and feel they cannot trust parents that the downfall of society occurs, as children then go looking for others to trust and respect. A few extra hours spent early on for good tarbiyah will save many hours of distress over children later. Parents are the first educators of children, and they are concerned about their children’s well-being like no other teacher.

Finally, we must remember that we do not take interest in our children’s education and tarbiyah because we want perfect children, but because our children are our responsibility from Allah (swt). He will ask us how we bought them up. We raise our children first and foremost only for Him.

May Allah (swt) enable us to keep the trust and respect of our children, and enable us to do their tarbiyah in the light of the Quran and Sunnah so that they will be a source of peace for us in this world and the hereafter. Ameen